I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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