she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
