I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
