he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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