Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
