Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
