Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
