idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
40s are totally the cure
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
