Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
