I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
