I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
