Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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