he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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