This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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