I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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