I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dick very happy bro
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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