Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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