True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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