he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
