I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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