I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
