bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
