I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
