Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
