If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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