he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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