When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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