what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
