Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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