It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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