this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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