Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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