she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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