ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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