glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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