mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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