i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
