i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
