"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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