Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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