a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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