If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
