my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
