it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
