I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
