I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
