bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
