dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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