come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
