I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
