theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
