**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
