So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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