you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
