There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
