i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
