dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
