And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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