..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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