so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
