the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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