I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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