remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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