u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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