My nipple is on Facebook.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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