If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
