I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
